Why Do Domestic Violence Victims Dismiss Restraining Orders Right Before the Final Hearing?

If you're reading this because you or someone you love is dealing with domestic violence, we want to start by saying this: whatever you decide to do next, you are not alone, and there is no wrong way to feel about any of it.

In Colorado, people often use the term "restraining order" to describe any court order intended to keep someone safe, but legally, there are two distinct types. A criminal restraining order is put in place when someone is charged with a crime against a victim, and it exists as part of the criminal case between the State of Colorado and the defendant. A civil protection order is different. It's a separate legal process where an individual goes to the courthouse on their own behalf, and sometimes on behalf of their children, to allege threats or acts of domestic violence and ask the court for protection. This is a civil matter between two private individuals, not the state. This blog focuses specifically on civil protection orders and why victims sometimes choose to dismiss them. 

When someone is in an abusive situation, they can ask a court for a temporary production order (a TPO). This offers protection right away, for 2 weeks, until a judge can hold a full hearing to decide whether to make the order permanent. That hearing is often called the permanent restraining order hearing.

In the days right before the Return Date regarding making the protection order permanent, many victims decide to drop the case entirely.  This happens often, and family law attorneys see it again and again. If this is something you're considering, or something a family member has done, and you're trying to understand why, please know this doesn't mean the abuse wasn't real or wasn't serious. It means that leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest and most complicated things a person can go through.

Here are the most common reasons victims dismiss their protection order cases before the final hearing.

1. Reconciliation and Promises to Change 

Domestic violence isn't committed by strangers. It's committed by someone the victim loves, or once loved, which is exactly what makes these cases so hard to see through to the end. When the abuser is a spouse, a partner, or the other parent of your children, walking away isn't just a legal decision. It's an emotional one.

It's common for an abuser to apologize, promise to get counseling, or swear things will be different, especially in the weeks between the temporary and permanent hearing. A victim who still loves that person, or who wants to believe the relationship can be fixed, may dismiss the case hoping those promises hold. Sometimes they do. More often, they don't.

2. Wanting the Other Parent Involved in Their Children's Lives 

A parent who is a victim of abuse often still wants their children to have a relationship with the other parent. That instinct comes from a good place. Kids miss the parent who isn't there, and a victim may feel guilty standing in the way of that relationship, or worry that a protection order will be held against them in a custody case.

So they dismiss it, hoping the family can find a way to co-parent safely without one.

3. Lack of Childcare 

This one gets overlooked, but it's real. If the other parent used to handle school pickups, sick days, or watching the kids while the victim worked, a protection order can leave a real gap. Suddenly, there's no one to call. For a parent already stretched thin, the practical problem of who takes care of the kids tomorrow can outweigh the legal protection a case would provide. 

4. Financial Dependency

Many victims share a home, a bank account, or a business with their abuser. Leaving that relationship behind, even just legally, can mean leaving financial stability behind too, at least for a while. When someone is weighing a protection order against how they'll pay rent or support their kids next month, the fear of financial hardship can win out, even when the danger is real. 

5. Fear of Retaliation

This is one of the hardest parts of this process to explain, but it needs to be said honestly: filing for a protection order can be one of the most dangerous moments for a victim. Abusers sometimes escalate when they feel a loss of control. A victim who has been told this, by an advocate, by law enforcement, or from experience, may dismiss a case because they're afraid that pushing forward will provoke more violence rather than stop it. That fear is rational, even when it leads to a decision that puts them at continued risk. 

6. Exhaustion With the Legal Process

Going through a protection order hearing means telling your story, sometimes more than once, in front of a judge, and sometimes while being cross-examined by the abuser's own attorney. For someone already carrying fear, shame, or instability, that process can feel like reliving the trauma rather than escaping it. At some point, some victims simply run out of the emotional energy it takes to keep going. 

7. Lack of Support System

Victims who have someone in their corner, family, friends, an advocate, are more likely to see a protection order through to a permanent one. Victims who feel like they're facing it alone, whether because the abuser cut them off from the people around them or because they're afraid of being judged, are more likely to walk away from the case rather than sit through a hearing by themselves. 

8. Confusing a No-Contact Order for a Protection Order 

Along the same lines, some victims believe that because there's a no-contact order in place, whether from a criminal case, a bond condition, or something similar, that it functions the same way as a civil protection order. It doesn't. The terms, the duration, and who can enforce them are different. A victim who believes they're already protected may not realize the gap until something goes wrong. 

9. Believing a Criminal Case Already Covers It  

If there's already a criminal case open with a no-contact or restraining order attached, some victims assume they're covered and that a civil protection order is redundant. In reality, the two serve different purposes and can end at different times. A criminal case can be dismissed, a plea deal can change the terms, or the no-contact order can expire once the case resolves. Without a civil protection order in place, a victim can be left with no protection at all once that criminal case is over. 

What This Means If You're Considering a Protection Order

None of these reasons make a case "less real." They reflect how difficult and layered domestic violence situations truly are. If you're weighing whether to move forward with a permanent restraining order, or whether to dismiss one you've already filed, it helps to talk through your options with someone who understands both the legal process and the realities you're facing at home.

If I Dismiss My Case, Can I Still Get Protection Later?

Likely. Dismissing a protection order does not permanently give up your right to protection. Under Colorado law, C.R.S. § 13-14-102(17.5)(a), a protected person can ask the court to dismiss a temporary or permanent protection order at any time, and that decision does not prevent them from filing for a new order later if the situation changes.

If a case is dismissed because the protected person doesn't appear at the hearing, courts typically treat that dismissal as without prejudice. That means the person can file for a new protection order in the future if they're threatened or harmed again. Choosing not to move forward with one case does not usually close the door on your safety going forward.

What Happens If I Don't Show Up to My Protection Order Hearing?

If the protected person doesn't appear, the case is dismissed. If the restrained person doesn't appear, the court can still issue the permanent order by default as long as that person was properly served. Please note, that the victim may need to provide additional testimony regarding a pattern of behavior.  Either way, the outcome depends heavily on the specific facts of the case.

At Rider Goodwin Law, we work with clients through every stage of a restraining order case, from the initial filing through the permanent hearing, and we help you think through the custody, financial, and safety questions that come with it. You don't have to navigate this decision alone.

Talk to Rider Goodwin Law Today

If you or someone you know is considering a restraining order, or weighing whether to move forward with one, contact Rider Goodwin Law today to talk through your situation and your options.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 911. For confidential support at any hour, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1-800-799-7233, or by texting "START" to 88788.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do domestic violence victims dismiss restraining orders?

Common reasons include reconciliation with the abuser, pressure to keep the family together for the children, financial dependency, fear of retaliation, exhaustion with the legal process, and lack of a support system. None of these reasons mean the abuse wasn't real.

Can I dismiss a restraining order and file a new one later?

Yes. Under Colorado law, dismissing a protection order does not waive your right to seek a new one later. Dismissals due to non-appearance are typically without prejudice, meaning you can file again if you're threatened or harmed in the future.

Do I have to go to court for my permanent restraining order hearing?

No, the court cannot force a petitioner to attend the permanent hearing or charge fees for skipping it, under C.R.S. § 13-14-106. If you don't appear, though, your case will likely be dismissed, so it's worth talking to an attorney before deciding not to go.

Does dismissing a restraining order affect a custody case?

It can. Courts consider the full history of a relationship, including any prior protection orders, when making custody decisions. Talk to a family law attorney before dismissing a case if custody or parenting time is also at issue.

Is it common for restraining order cases to be dismissed before the final hearing?

Yes, dismissals before the permanent hearing are common in domestic violence cases. Attorneys see this pattern often, and it typically reflects the emotional, financial, and family pressures victims face rather than a lack of merit in the case.

Call us today at 303.728.4271 or click here to schedule a consultation.